Its almost like this isn’t my life.
I can’t even truly remember the last time I looked into the mirror and recognized who was looking back at me, and it seems it only gets worse. By “it” I mean my life , who I am, who I want to be. Everyone says to rise above your trauma. It’ll make you stronger but, lately I’ve only become more defeated.
A couple of days ago, Friday – March 9th 2018 I was raped. Raped by the person who swore he’d never hurt me. My boyfriend. The father of my child, and step father to my other child. It seems like I wasn’t even raped. Can we really even call it that? Yes, we can. He raped me. He admitted he raped me the following day. He told me I deserved more! That if I wasn’t such a bitch and “broke his heart ” by saying some of the things I say he wouldn’t have done it. That he raped me out of anger. The following day he asked me of we could keep our promise to each other that we made the day our daughter was born.
“We’re not going to fight anymore. We’re going to have a great life and everything will be perfect”
How can anything me perfect now ? He doesn’t understand that what he do was abusive and it hurt me. I have to walk around and act like everything is okay, around his brother and father who also live with us. They know what he did to me and they didn’t try to stop it or stick up for me. It’s hard to look either of them in the eye.
What happened to me was real, and I feel it. I probably won’t ever forgive him for what he did , and our love will never be the same.
Im sharing this because I want to hear other women’s stories and hear there trauma.
I want a friendly ear to talk to.